Just when you think....

But it's not.

The "I"s of the Future

"In His wisdom, God does not show us all that lies ahead. So we enter a new year to live it day by day. What is past is past. Today we start anew, and what we do today will make our life for tomorrow... each day let us follow more faithfully, more courageously, more daringly the lead of our great Captain who bids us follow Him." ~William Thomson Hanzsche~

You know, I've been aware for much of my life why God doesn't let me see past the end of my proverbial nose. Seriously - God knows me. If I had the address for my future, along with a GPS or a map, I would be on my way. And then, would I really need a Cap'n - other than myself? And to make the trip even more fun, I'd probably take my top off (of the Jeep I'm riding in people... come on!), let the wind whip through my hair, get a tan, and listen to great music along the way. Problem is - I'd be making the trip alone. And what fun is that?

How many of us have had at least one of those road trips in our lives that was fun just because we didn't do it by ourselves. And more importantly, because we DID do it with someone in particular. Ahhh.... we've all had those, right? And part of the fun was not knowing exactly where we were going, where we'd end up, and what would happen along the way. Knowing would have taken all the fun out, right?

So why do we want something so different from God? That's a good question. One that I don't think I've ever really thought of before. Why am I so intent on seeing the "I" in my future? Even recently - "... if we could only see 10 years down the road and know if there would be kids or not, then we'd know what to do with this ginormous house.... if only I could see 5 years down the road and know where we would be financially, it would really help us make this decision right now.... if only I knew.... (you fill in this blank here!) But, won't that take all the fun out of it?

I like the part of the quote up there that says let us follow "more daringly". Yeah, that gets me. I want to live daringly. And doesn't the essence of "daring" imply some mystery and exhileration along the way?

So God, hide the map and take the keys, I'll ride shotgun. Let's take our tops off, let down our hair, enjoy some tunes and point our faces toward the Son, because this ride is gonna be good. Hold on kids!!

All of me, for only Him

Grace and Forgiveness

This evening I met a dear friend at Starbucks. You know, there are only a rare few people in this life that can understand the details... I'm so lucky to have a handful of those. A handful is more than I could ever ask for, friends with the spirit of Truth in them - they are rare and a priceless gift. Alli, Cort, Suz, Kelli - you have no idea what you mean to me in my life. But back to the point....

We talked of days gone by - of hurts and joys that have made us who we are today. We laughed, we cried a little, and we shook our heads at things that leave us speechless. Of where God has us now, and why He has done some of the things that He's done. Sometimes, He just doesn't make any sense. And God, I know, You don't always mean for us to understand You - that's why You're You and we are not. Sometimes I just feel so finite in my understanding of life.

And don't get me wrong. My life is an amazingly blessed one. I look back on all the things that has brought me to this place, and I know that had some others walked this path they would not be trusting anymore - they would not believe God is really in control anymore - they'd be jaded and hard. I've seen those people and vowed to never be like them - I think I looked that way once, and even then, had someone kick my tail and tell me I was being an idiot. I hurt that person in the process, but I did hear what he had to say. I mean, who am I to distrust the God of everything, even though there've been some low points? In the words of Bono - "Life should be fragrant, rooftop to the basement". And it has been. Oh the aromas of life, how sweet, how bitter - and all mixed together at times.

I'm so thankful for God's forgiveness and His grace. And this is not going to come out right at all - but even more than that, I'm thankful for the forgiveness and Grace from those dear to us in our lives. I say that because it is expected from God. His nature makes it near to impossible for Him to NOT show us grace - praise Him for that. People on the other hand - really don't have to. But sometimes, they do anyway. Even when we don't deserve it. But then, that's the nature of grace, isn't it. Giving what is not deserved. I have found, in my life, that nothing is heavier than feeling the absence of those two things. And nothing is more special than learning that they have been given. It leaves me speechless, and overwhelmed, and filled with gratefulness for those with hearts bigger than their desires and pains.

I look to the future and see greatness. I see possibilities where others would only see walls. I refuse to believe that walls are bigger than God - seriously - have you known anyone else to tear walls down with trumpets? My God did that, said proudly. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is too big for Him.

But, sometimes it does seem like it. Sometimes we don't see how things are possible. Sometimes we just say, this might be it. Even when we don't want it to be.

Can I be bold and refuse to say that tonight? I want to...

All of me for only Him