My Turn?

So today I read about the Flood, actually the receding of the flood, and about Noah and his sons. Good stuff, don't get me wrong, but I sit and am still pondering on a thought from yesterday, from Genesis 4-6. Yeah, check it out - exciting reading, let me tell you.

"To Enoch was born Irad, and Irad begot Mehujael, and Mehujael begot Methushael,
and Methushael begot Lamech.... and Adah bore Jabal, Zillah also bore Tubal-Cain..."

And on it goes. First things first - we think today's names are crazy?? Seriously, Tubal-Cain? Wow. Alright, I'll move on. Numerous times in the past I would get to these sections in scripture and just skip over them, I mean, what am I really going to learn through this genealogy? But in recent years I have realized, or remembered I should say, that all scripture is God breathed and meaningful to us, otherwise God Himself would have said, "Oh this part is boring, Let's just leave it out." But He didn't, so who do I think I am to take chunks of His word not seriously? As Job once said - "Who am I Lord? I should just be quiet!" (I love the last few chapters of Job, some of my favorites! )

Back to the point. As I was reading yesterday, here at the beginning of yet another new year, I guess I was filled with hope and longing all at the same time. I meditated on it all day, never writing about it yesterday - but this morning as I logged on to read my chapters and get some words of wisdom from my man Oswald, I noticed I had an email from a sweet friend - venting and longing for the same things most of us girls do, though God seems to delay the deliverance of this blessing for some, and sometimes even deny it altogether. A number of girlfriends in my life, myself included, have asked God more times than could be counted, "Lord, when will it be my turn?" And through that we become content with the path the Lord has given to each of us, and we know that God is good and has amazing things for us, how ever that will look for each of us. We really do know that. But sometimes it's still not easy. I look at friends from the past who have children now in Junior High School - I mean, I could theoretically be teaching my own kid at this point, but I'm not. And others, much younger than me, see pictures and read accounts of college friends with husbands and babies, "so thankful for groups of friends to share in this stage of life with them", but my friend has none of that. God, when will it be our turn?

I think back to a day on my couch a few years back. I took a day off from work to spend a day with the Father, I just needed to feel His presence, as life was being hard right then. I read and prayed and sat quietly a lot that day. I don't remember a lot about what I read, or wrote, or even heard, but I do still remember one thing very vividly that I "heard" from God that day - that I would one day have a child who would go places I would never go and do things that I have only imagined of doing for the Lord. I put quotes around "heard" up there, because I doubt myself and my ability to hear correctly. The reason I had taken the day to be with the Father was not because I was longing for children, it was something else - but I remember feeling into the core of my being that this really was from Him. It gave me hope in the situation I was in at the time, making me think I had it figured out - I didn't. God didn't bring into my life what I was wanting Him to that day - but now I am so very thankful for that, He gave me something better. Imagine that!

It's just now that I'm starting to really wonder about the whole kid thing. I see other friends with their broods of beautiful little ones, and I sometimes feel left out and so very behind. So now do I give stock to what I thought I heard that day? I look at the genealogies of Genesis and see all the things that these children went on to do - they became the fathers of nations, the founders of civilizations and the trail blazers of occupations - metal workers, artists, writers, ranchers. Who will I bear? Who will one day look back in their genealogy and see my name? Or does the trail stop here?

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Luke 1:45
Whatever that may be...

I believe the Lord is good. Sometimes I do have to remind myself of that - but He is. And His plans are perfect... and I pray that "through me Christ will be exalted, whether through life or through death." If that truly is my prayer than I must again find contentment with where I am. Not that I'm not - but we all have those days, don't we?

All of me for only Him
Sharon